Decisions Always Have Consequences

A couple of years ago, I was listening to a radio program on a New Orleans radio station (it could have been a syndicated show) featuring a guest "relationship expert." On this show, a young lady called in seeking advice in her current relationship. She was cohabitating with a man and she wanted to marry him, but he kept refusing. This "relationship expert's" advice was to "get pregnant."

I was completely shocked at the selfishness of this advice. My first thought was, what if that doesn't work, then she is stuck pregnant and alone--and now there are three people involved in the dilemma, not just two. What is she supposed to do, abort? To use a pregnancy to manipulate another person to commit to a relationship is beyond selfish--it foolish depravity without the slightest foresight of the consequences to all those who would be involved.

Last year, my step-brother, who is truly a compassionate liberal seeking to better society through noble causes, asked my advice in an unusual circumstance. He and his wife wanted to adopt an African-American baby, and our shared family was not to excited about that. When he called, he seemed intent on doing it despite the prejudices of our family, simply because he and his wife wanted a child and they wanted to make a statement to both family and society. While I agreed that the cause is noble and such prejudices shouldn't exist, I appealed to the child's perspective. The prejudices do exist and will bring unusual difficulties to parenting that wouldn't otherwise exist. I asked my step-brother if he was prepared to handle the difficulties in raising a black child being white parents, to answer the questions, to comfort the child when he will be teased for having "white parents." I asked if they were prepared to help this child in his or her impending identity crisis, being a black raised by white parents of a wholly different culture with the likelihood of isolation by those of his own race. I noted that the child does not have a choice in participating in my step-brother's cause. I also said that despite our family's prejudices, this child will become a part of it, and he would be choosing for that child a life of great familial tensions that would also not exist if the child were not black.

Unlike the foolish "relationship expert" above, out of compassion, my step-brother decided not to go through with the adoption and place a child in a preventable and difficult circumstance.

Today, I read a great article on the Washington Post (found through this post at Slice of Laodicea). It shows the incredible lack of foresight on the part of the feminist movement in intentional single motherhood. It is quite touching and a great find, and it show how selfish people can be when they consider having children, forgetting to consider the cost of their decision to conceive or adopt on the child. We are called to procreate, if able to do so--but we are also called to sacrifice our own selfishness in considering the prospect of children.